Joke Time!

D@shie wrote:

One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to enter.
St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun, "Do you know who the first man was on earth?"
She said, "Ummm that's tough... Adam?"
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, "Do you know who the first woman was on earth?"
She said, "Ummmm... Eve?"
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The third nun said, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one."
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked right in.

what in the world! hahaha... iwuvdis!

^samantha, statue?

D@shie wrote:

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
"How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.
As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! this is so disgusting! hahaha... reminds me of a joke i once read in FHM

krispen wrote: ^samantha, statue?

the first woman who on the moon

mga gasgas jokes...(sorry to our foreign friends for this are mostly in filipino )

these never fail to make me laugh


IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako
naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that
enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects.
It is called a magnifiying glass.

VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko,
"nagbavibrate."
Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
Mrs: ****! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!

REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

KRIMINAL:
KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yun papatayin
natin?"
KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala
parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...

SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang
dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero
kayo lang nakabali!

CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy,
anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba , oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa
ang animal!

SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ak binubugbog bago
niroromansa. ..
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday
ang niroromansa.

PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush
ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas
magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!

AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag
na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

PROMOTION:
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko
ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo
ma-promote.

AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon
ka!

ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan
ang sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatanggap eh.


DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba , syempre ah Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan m o rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong
makipag-sex sa 'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang
kanilang ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!

RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong
nangreype sa 'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang- asar ka pa!!!!

SUPER nkakatawa khit parang nbsa ko n sila..

buti naman at nagustuhan nyo

hahaha... wala pa ring makakatalo sa pinoy jokes! shux.

yow... eeewww...

You might be familiar with this already...

“Here I sit,
All broken hearted
came to shit,
but only farted.
Then one day I took a chance;
went to fart, and shit my pants!”

A priest is hearing confessions one afternoon when he has to go to the bathroom. He calls janitor over to take his place. The janitor resists saying he isn’t a Catholic or a priest and will not know what to say. The priest assures him that everything will be fine if he just follows the chart in the confessional.

“If someone comes in and says they have stolen, you tell them to say two Hail Mary’s and don’t do it again,” explains the priest. “Just follow the chart.” And with that, the priest leaves.

The janitor sits down, and in walks a man to confess.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have had anal sex with another man.”

The janitor is shocked! He keeps going over the chart, trying to find a reference to anal sex and can’t find any. He starts to get worried and opens the confession door, and asks a nearby choirboy, “What does the father give for anal sex?”

“Well,” says the choirboy, “usually it’s a T-shirt and a candy bar.”

so, pa-pwet naman na ngayon ang tawanan

para maiba naman.

LOL!! I have this one:
Before marriage:
She : Hi
He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
She : You want me to go ?
He : no, Not at all
She : do you love me ?
He : of course, big time
She : you picked the wrong woman ??
He : no, why do you say that ?
She : you wanna kiss me ?
He : every time I see you !!
She : you wanna slap me ??
He : are you crazy ? never
She : can I trust you ?
He : yes
She : My love
...
after marriage
Read the same text upwards ...

_____________________
Life is a flower of which glitter graphics is the honey.

nice one olla86 funny and sad but true

olla86 wrote:LOL!! I have this one:
Before marriage:
She : Hi
He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
She : You want me to go ?
He : no, Not at all
She : do you love me ?
He : of course, big time
She : you picked the wrong woman ??
He : no, why do you say that ?
She : you wanna kiss me ?
He : every time I see you !!
She : you wanna slap me ??
He : are you crazy ? never
She : can I trust you ?
He : yes
She : My love
...
after marriage
Read the same text upwards ...

waaaaaaaa... i can't help but laugh each time i come across this one!