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    Joke Time!

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    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on May 28th 2010, 1:32 am


    An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

    As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

    For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

    They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

    Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?

    The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves..and that's how I want to go."



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    Eustace
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by Eustace on May 30th 2010, 7:03 pm

    D@shie wrote:

    An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

    As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

    For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

    They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

    Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?

    The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves..and that's how I want to go."



    hahaha!!! demanding!!! hahaha!!!

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 7th 2010, 7:35 pm

    The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello, Mrs. Ward, please."

    "Speaking."

    "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."

    "What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

    "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

    "That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

    "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

    "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

    "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him......


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 14th 2010, 5:28 am


    MURDER MYSTERY AT MAKATI MEDICAL CENTER:

    There was this case in the Intensive CAre Unit where
    patients always die in the same bed, Sunday mornings
    at 11am regardless of their medical condition.

    This puzzled doctors. No one could solve the mystery
    "why deaths happen on Sundays on 11am?"

    Mr. Licauco and the Ateneo Paranormal folks were
    called. They arrived armed with special photographic
    equiptments, infrared devices, and motion sensitive
    radar to detect any presence.

    So the next Sunday morning, few minutes before
    11am, doctors, and nurses nervously waited
    outside the ward to see what the mystery was
    all about. Some were holding wooden crosses
    and prayer books to ward off the evil spirits.

    Just then, the clock struck 11am and then...




























    Mang Jose, part-time Sunday janitor, entered
    the ward, unplugged the life support and
    plugged the vacum cleaner...



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 14th 2010, 5:33 am


    Matalinong bata si Garet. Siya ang pinakamatalino sa
    nayon nila. Sumali siya sa quiz bee na ginanap dito
    sa Manila. Sa kasawiang palad di siya nanalo. Malungkot
    si Garet dahil baka madisappoint sa kanya ang mga kanayon
    niya pero nagulat siya ng nakauwi dahil halos magfiesta ang mga
    taga nayon. Lalong nalungkot si Garet dahil di nga siya nanalo.
    Ng salubungin siya ng nanay ay niyakap agad siya. Malungkot
    na sinabi ni Garet na di siya nanalo pero sinabi ng magulang at
    kapitbahay na wag magkaila dahil narinig nila sa radyo:

    CHAMPION CIGARETTE!



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 26th 2010, 1:05 am


    A guy goes to the supermarket & notices an attractive lady waving at him. He asked: “Do u know me?” She answered: “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” His mind raced back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife: “My GOD! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on d pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?!?” She looked into his eyes and said calmly: “No, I meant I’m your son’s teacher.”


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 26th 2010, 1:06 am


    An American missionary at his Sunday Bible Study decided to show his proficiency in Filipino: “Alem nenyo mge enek ko? Kepeg nemetey keyow, kung mebute keyo se lupe, pegdeting nenyow se lengit, seselubungen keyow neng mge enghel na meleleke eng pekpek.”


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    julliancloud
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by julliancloud on June 28th 2010, 10:22 pm

    D@shie wrote:

    An American missionary at his Sunday Bible Study decided to show his proficiency in Filipino: “Alem nenyo mge enek ko? Kepeg nemetey keyow, kung mebute keyo se lupe, pegdeting nenyow se lengit, seselubungen keyow neng mge enghel na meleleke eng pekpek.”

    terrified grabe la akong masabi. . hai naku galing ng joke mo. . hakhakhaka shy namn ako dun...

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on June 28th 2010, 10:29 pm


    Ba't ka naman mahihiya... May accent lang si kuya...


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    julliancloud
    Pchy's Lover
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    Number of posts : 1602
    Age : 27
    Location : negros occidental, philippines
    Registration date : 2009-04-20

    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by julliancloud on June 30th 2010, 6:38 pm

    uu nga may accent siya. . pero kung kasama mo siya. . naku mahihiya ka lang/ . ./ hakahkha

    duplex
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    Registration date : 2009-07-19

    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by duplex on July 17th 2010, 11:56 pm

    D@shie wrote:

    A guy goes to the supermarket & notices an attractive lady waving at him. He asked: “Do u know me?” She answered: “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” His mind raced back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife: “My GOD! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on d pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?!?” She looked into his eyes and said calmly: “No, I meant I’m your son’s teacher.”

    so lustful baldly Shocked

    haha

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on October 12th 2010, 10:09 pm


    A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

    They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone...we don't believe in that religious stuff!"

    From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Registration date : 2009-01-01

    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on October 12th 2010, 10:23 pm


    Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

    'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.

    The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

    The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on October 12th 2010, 10:45 pm


    An English parachutist and an Irish parachutist were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in a plane and judge by the mid-air performance of their parachutes.

    The Irishman jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating down towards the earth.

    Then the Englishman jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he pulled his safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Irishman, plummeting like a stone.

    "Oh," shouted the Irishman, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race, do ya?!"



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on October 12th 2010, 11:02 pm


    A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:
    "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:
    "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
    "You won't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter:
    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables.



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    MACH
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by MACH on November 14th 2010, 3:15 pm

    waaaah!
    AHAHAHA
    LOL
    LOL
    LOL!

    ganada nga jokes~

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on February 25th 2011, 4:08 pm


    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Age : 29
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on April 8th 2011, 6:06 am


    Martha and Chris had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children's room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically.
    He had accidentally swallowed a P5 piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a P5 coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy's ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully - 'Do it again, Dad!'


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




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