A Filipino fans forum for the Thai artist, Witwisit Hirunwongkul


    Joke Time!

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    EmpressXenix
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on October 24th 2009, 2:23 pm

    D@shie wrote:

    One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to enter.
    St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun, "Do you know who the first man was on earth?"
    She said, "Ummm that's tough... Adam?"
    Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
    Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, "Do you know who the first woman was on earth?"
    She said, "Ummmm... Eve?"
    Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
    St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
    The third nun said, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one."
    Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked right in.


    what in the world! hahaha... iwuvdis!

    zydrelle
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by zydrelle on October 26th 2009, 6:06 pm

    haha

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:15 pm


    An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
    He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
    She says, "Why, are you sick?"
    He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
    Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
    He says, "Where the heck are you going"?
    She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
    He says, "Why, what do you need?"
    She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:18 pm

    Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

    The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

    So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
    "Do you know where God is, son?"

    The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

    Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
    "Where is God?!"

    The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

    When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

    GOD is missing, and they think we did it!











    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:21 pm

    Several women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."
    This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.
    So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
    Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
    So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
    She says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"
    They were shocked and asked why.
    "Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:24 pm

    An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
    One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
    "How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
    "Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
    Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
    The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
    Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.
    As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
    He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
    She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"



    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    chanrakter
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by chanrakter on November 2nd 2009, 12:31 pm

    D@shie wrote:
    Several women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."
    This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.
    So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
    Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
    So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
    She says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"
    They were shocked and asked why.
    "Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"


    ROTFLOL!


    _________________
    หัวใจที่ไม่เคยเรียนรู้ที่จะรักนั้นอ่อนแอ

    A heart that has never learnt to love is weak
    --- Kop Koon Gan Lae Gan by Witwisit Hiranyawongkul




    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 2nd 2009, 7:44 pm

    haha haha ^samantha, statue? haha haha

    EmpressXenix
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 4th 2009, 12:55 pm

    D@shie wrote:
    An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
    One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
    "How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
    "Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
    Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
    The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
    Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.
    As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
    He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
    She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"


    eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! this is so disgusting! hahaha... reminds me of a joke i once read in FHM

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 5th 2009, 5:52 am

    krispen wrote: ^samantha, statue?

    I didn't get this the first time... I was thinking... Samantha of "Samantha, who"...




    then I realized...




    Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte... Go Girls!


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 5th 2009, 8:48 pm

    haha the first woman who on the moon hehe

    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 5th 2009, 8:51 pm

    mga gasgas jokes...(sorry to our foreign friends for this are mostly in filipino cute )

    these never fail to make me laugh


    IBANG POSISYON:
    Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
    Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako
    naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

    PINOY INGENUITY?
    A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that
    enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects.
    It is called a magnifiying glass.

    VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
    Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko,
    "nagbavibrate."
    Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
    Mrs: ****! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!

    REGALO:
    Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
    Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
    Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
    Mrs: Memorial Plan.

    KRIMINAL:
    KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yun papatayin
    natin?"
    KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala
    parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...

    SI GINO:
    LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
    APO : 'lo, Gina po.
    LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
    APO : 'lo, Gina po.
    LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

    TUTPIK:
    Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang
    dali pang mabali!
    Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero
    kayo lang nakabali!

    CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
    Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
    Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy,
    anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

    FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
    Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
    Nanay: Aba , oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa
    ang animal!

    SUKO SA MISTER:
    Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ak binubugbog bago
    niroromansa. ..
    Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday
    ang niroromansa.

    PAGOD DAW.....
    Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
    Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
    Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
    Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

    PARI AT MADRE:
    Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush
    ko...
    Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
    Pari: Ok, antay ako.
    Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

    ESTUDYANTE:
    Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
    Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas
    magaling pa sa estudiante.
    Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!

    AFTER THE WEDDING:
    Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag
    na!
    Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

    PAMBOBOSO:
    Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko
    Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
    Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

    PROMOTION:
    Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko
    ah!
    Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo
    ma-promote.

    AMPON:
    Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
    Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon
    ka!

    ANG SULAT:
    Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan
    ang sarili ko...
    Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
    Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatanggap eh.


    DOWNY:
    GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
    BOY: Aba , syempre ah Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
    GIRL: Ginagamitan m o rin ba ng Downy?
    BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
    GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

    HIDE AND SEEK:
    GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong
    makipag-sex sa 'yo...
    BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
    GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

    MADRE:
    dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
    Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang
    kanilang ginagawa!
    Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!

    RAPE SUSPEK:
    ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong
    nangreype sa 'yo?
    INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
    SUSPEK: Sige!...mang- asar ka pa!!!!

    julipych
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by julipych on November 5th 2009, 9:33 pm

    haha haha haha haha

    Gasgas na nga! Pero super funny pa rin! haha haha

    The best yung REGALO..swear! Haha!

    Jaisus
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by Jaisus on November 6th 2009, 9:33 pm

    haha haha haha

    SUPER nkakatawa khit parang nbsa ko n sila..

    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 6th 2009, 10:04 pm

    hehe hehe buti naman at nagustuhan nyo hehe

    EmpressXenix
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 9th 2009, 2:31 pm

    hahaha... wala pa ring makakatalo sa pinoy jokes! shux. haha

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on November 12th 2009, 12:55 pm

    There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
    The noise would always awake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
    Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.
    She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
    The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning..
    Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
    While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
    With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled aback her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tip-toed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
    Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
    The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
    About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
    He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
    "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
    "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    EmpressXenix
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 12th 2009, 3:58 pm

    yow... eeewww...

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 12th 2009, 4:17 pm

    You might be familiar with this already...

    “Here I sit,
    All broken hearted
    came to shit,
    but only farted.
    Then one day I took a chance;
    went to fart, and shit my pants!”

    EmpressXenix
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 12th 2009, 4:28 pm

    A priest is hearing confessions one afternoon when he has to go to the bathroom. He calls janitor over to take his place. The janitor resists saying he isn’t a Catholic or a priest and will not know what to say. The priest assures him that everything will be fine if he just follows the chart in the confessional.

    “If someone comes in and says they have stolen, you tell them to say two Hail Mary’s and don’t do it again,” explains the priest. “Just follow the chart.” And with that, the priest leaves.

    The janitor sits down, and in walks a man to confess.

    “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have had anal sex with another man.”

    The janitor is shocked! He keeps going over the chart, trying to find a reference to anal sex and can’t find any. He starts to get worried and opens the confession door, and asks a nearby choirboy, “What does the father give for anal sex?”

    “Well,” says the choirboy, “usually it’s a T-shirt and a candy bar.”

    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 13th 2009, 3:16 am

    so, pa-pwet naman na ngayon ang tawanan haha haha

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 13th 2009, 6:18 pm

    para maiba naman. smile

    olla86
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by olla86 on November 23rd 2009, 8:49 pm

    LOL!! I have this one:
    Before marriage:
    She : Hi
    He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
    She : You want me to go ?
    He : no, Not at all
    She : do you love me ?
    He : of course, big time
    She : you picked the wrong woman ??
    He : no, why do you say that ?
    She : you wanna kiss me ?
    He : every time I see you !!
    She : you wanna slap me ??
    He : are you crazy ? never
    She : can I trust you ?
    He : yes
    She : My love
    ...
    after marriage
    Read the same text upwards ...

    _____________________
    Life is a flower of which glitter graphics is the honey.


    Last edited by olla86 on November 26th 2009, 9:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

    krispen
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by krispen on November 23rd 2009, 8:51 pm

    haha nice one olla86 funny and sad but true

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by EmpressXenix on November 24th 2009, 5:55 pm

    olla86 wrote:LOL!! I have this one:
    Before marriage:
    She : Hi
    He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
    She : You want me to go ?
    He : no, Not at all
    She : do you love me ?
    He : of course, big time
    She : you picked the wrong woman ??
    He : no, why do you say that ?
    She : you wanna kiss me ?
    He : every time I see you !!
    She : you wanna slap me ??
    He : are you crazy ? never
    She : can I trust you ?
    He : yes
    She : My love
    ...
    after marriage
    Read the same text upwards ...

    waaaaaaaa... i can't help but laugh each time i come across this one!

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