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    Joke Time!

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    nepotism
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    Joke Time!

    Post by nepotism on March 1st 2009, 11:09 am

    Just add jokes here..I'll start

    --------------------------------------------------------
    Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental… kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili…
    Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo??
    Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa matatanggap eh!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Boy and girl texting:

    Boy: Girl tayong dalawa na ba?
    Girl: Hindi Betty La Fea pa lng..

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Girl: mag 69 tayo dear
    Boy: Paano yun?
    (pumuwesto na sila at napautot bigla si girl ng 4 na beses)
    Boy: Ayoko na!!! hindi ko na kaya yung natitira pang 65!!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Census: Mrs. Ilan ba ang anak nyo??
    Mrs: 14 po!!!
    Census: ang dami naman.. hindi ba kayo gumagamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal, o rhythm??
    Misis: hindi po.. Wink lang talga!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Dalagita: Mom, totoo ba na kung saan pinasok ang ari ng lalaki dun din lumalabas ang baby??
    Mom: oo anak..totoo un!!!
    Dalagita: Di kaya masira ang tonsil ko paglabas ng baby ko??

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Mr: pag namatay ka.. isusulat ko sa nitso mo.. “ Malamig noong buhay… mas malamig noong namatay!!”
    Mrs: Ah ganon ba??? Sa nitso mo naman ilalagay ko.. “ Sa wakas tumigas din!!!”

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Anak: Tays! Kains na tayos!!!
    Ama: Wink!!! Tigilan mo ang kakalagay ng “s” sa salita mo!!! Ano ba ulam?
    Anak: inigang na bangu na may ibuya at kamati… hmmmm… arap ng abaw!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    a husband came home 4am and saw his wife in bed with another man.
    his wife shouted at him: "where have you been?"
    Husband: "Who's that man?"
    Wife: "Ay grabe ka! don't change the topic!"

    --------------------------------------------------------

    Guro: ano ang dapat gawin kapag lumindol??
    Pepito: buksan po ang ilaw!!!
    Guro: Bakit?
    Pepito: kasi po sa kubo naming madalas lumindol pag gabi… pero pagnagswitch ako ng ilaw biglang natigil…

    --------------------------------------------------------

    Patient: Doc may problema ako… tuwing alas otso ng umaga.. tumatae ako…
    Doctor: so anong problema doon???
    Patient: Alas nuwebe ako gumising eh…

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    A Colegiala was interviewed. ..
    Question: whats the difference between a Wink and a Kamote?
    Colegiala: yak naman!!! as in hellooo?? I dont eat kamote noh.. how can i compare?!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    In an anatomy exam, the teacher asks the class to draw a female reproductive organ… one girl feels shy and looks down.
    Then a boy shouts…. “sir oh… may kodigo!!!”

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Wife puts Viagra on Husband's coffee to add sex drive… after drinking, husband grabbed and ;)ed her on the table.. Wife shouts and cried.

    "You bastard..Wag dito sa Jolibee!!!"

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    A mental patient singing while lying in a hospital bed… after a song dumapa siya…

    The nurse asked, “O bakit ka bumaliktad??
    He answered.Adik ka ba??Side B na kaya...

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Lalake: Miss pwede magpakilala?Anong pangalan mo?
    Babae: CarMen. Kc mahilig ako sa Car at sa Men. Eh ikaw???
    Lalake: PePe...

    --------------------------------------------------------

    Lola: Ineng, may manliligaw ka na ba?
    Apo : Marami na po sila Lola.
    Lola: May napipisil ka na ba sa kanila???
    Apo : **T* pa lang po nila lola….

    --------------------------------------------------------

    Boy: mama ihi ako
    Mom: tulungan na kita hahawakan ko
    Boy: Ayoko!!! Si lola na lang!!!
    Mom: Ha? Bakit?
    Boy: Kasi nanginginignginig kamay ni lola..Tsalap!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Question: Ano different ng pag-kiss sa maganda at pangit na girls???
    Answer: Ang maganda, Torid kiss sa lips sabay lamas sa boobs…
    Ang sa panget, torid kiss sa boobs sabay lamas sa mukha….

    --------------------------------------------------------

    sorry peech and Starbooze if I break some rules..

    Just feel free to delete some green parts lol!

    peech
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by peech on March 1st 2009, 11:20 am

    HAHAHAHAHHA!!! dati ko pa rin naisip mag lagay ng gantong thread kaso nga lang wala akong mailagay!!

    lol!

    winner yung patient na may side B!!!! lol!

    nepotism
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by nepotism on March 1st 2009, 11:24 am

    Ako I love the colegiala and the kamote lol!

    peech
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by peech on March 1st 2009, 11:26 am

    di ko nga gets yung kamote eh! soweee naman! lol!

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by Guest on March 1st 2009, 11:31 am

    King Arthur and the Witch

    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

    He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

    But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

    Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

    He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

    What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

    Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

    And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

    The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

    The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

    Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

    Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night , in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

    What would YOU do?

    What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?








    Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


    Now....what is the moral to this story?


    The moral is.....

    If you don't let a woman have her own way....

    Things are going to get ugly lol!

    nepotism
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by nepotism on March 1st 2009, 11:36 am

    peech wrote:di ko nga gets yung kamote eh! soweee naman! lol!

    d kasi pedeng deretsahan pero it goes something like this..

    The difference between a ****(you know what I mean) and a kamote!! bounce bounce bounce

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 11:46 am

    What I like is the Tayong Dalawa and Betty La Fea joke... lol!


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 11:49 am

    duplex wrote:King Arthur and the Witch

    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

    He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

    But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

    Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

    He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

    What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

    Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

    And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

    The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

    The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

    Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

    Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night , in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

    What would YOU do?

    What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?








    Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


    Now....what is the moral to this story?


    The moral is.....

    If you don't let a woman have her own way....

    Things are going to get ugly lol!

    I totally agree! lol!


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 12:08 pm

    One day, a seamtress was sewing while sitting close to a river and her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out , the Lord appeared and asked " Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and she needed the thimble to make her living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this you thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied "No."

    The Lord again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again the seanstress replied "No."

    The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.


    Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out the Lord again appeared and asked her "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Tom Cruise. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes" cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is not true!" "This is NOT you husband!".

    The seamstress replied, "Oh forgive me my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said no to Tom Cruise, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said No to him you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes" you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S WHY I said yes tom Tom Cruise.


    Moral of the story:
    Whenever woman lies, it is for a good and honourable reason and for the benefit of others. That's our story and........... WE'RE STICKING TO IT!


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by Guest on March 1st 2009, 12:10 pm

    @dashie: omg...that was so funny. of course, I won't mind being poor and live with three hot guys lol!

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 12:21 pm

    duplex wrote:@dashie: omg...that was so funny. of course, I won't mind being poor and live with three hot guys lol!

    Well practically wise, I would rather have one hottie for a husband then... money... money.... money... lol!


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    starbooze
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by starbooze on March 1st 2009, 12:29 pm

    nepotism wrote:Boy and girl texting:

    Boy: Girl tayong dalawa na ba?
    Girl: Hindi Betty La Fea pa lng..

    FTW! lol!


    _________________
    Sometimes love comes around
    And it knocks you down
    Just get back up
    When it knocks you down


    starbooze

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 12:39 pm

    Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
    Sir: What are my choices?
    Stewardess: Yes or No.


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    phelom
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by phelom on March 1st 2009, 12:44 pm

    lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 1st 2009, 1:01 pm



    THE SILENT TREATMENT

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM" He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

    Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    peech
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by peech on March 12th 2009, 1:52 pm

    bump!


    up ko lang..sana may mag post Very Happy

    nonez
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by nonez on March 12th 2009, 3:05 pm

    ahahaha..>>>>>>>

    natawa ako dito>>>>

    kaya lang ang ibang joke>>>

    narinig ko na>>>>

    itinakdada08
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by itinakdada08 on March 12th 2009, 8:41 pm

    teacher:
    only PEDRO got 98/100

    Pedro:
    oh ano say niyo? umuwi na kau mga bobo mag tanim kau ng kamote.. mamundok kayung lahat!! hahahahhaah !!

    Teacher:

    And The REST got 100

    hahahahhaahha----- pahiya


    _________________
    by imakuni

    by clive

    life is so wonderful like a box of chocolate so you must enjoy it

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by chiruruzu on March 12th 2009, 9:56 pm

    got this one from a magazine., korniks toh.,

    2 filipino and a foreigner inside an elevator.

    Fil 1: Bababa ba?
    Fil 2: Bababa...
    Foreigner: (Nosebleed, trying to figure out what alienated language they are using)

    pati ako di natawa., toink!

    peech
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by peech on March 12th 2009, 10:11 pm

    chiruruzu wrote:got this one from a magazine., korniks toh.,

    2 filipino and a foreigner inside an elevator.

    Fil 1: Bababa ba?
    Fil 2: Bababa...
    Foreigner: (Nosebleed, trying to figure out what alienated language they are using)

    pati ako di natawa., toink!

    actually, mas maganda ata to kung ikkwento mo talaga.... heard this one from my prof medyo natawa ako nun ^^

    D@shie
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 13th 2009, 2:03 pm

    Ang dami kong kaklaseng Intsik. Apelyidong Uy, Lim, Tan, Co, Go, Chua,
    Chi, Sy, Wy, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero sa kanilang lahat kay Gilbert Go
    ako naging malapit. Mayaman si Gilbert kaya mangyari pa, madalas siya ang
    taya sa tuwing gigimik ang barkada.

    Isang araw na-ospital ang kanyang ama. Sinamahan ko siya sa
    pagdalaw. Nasa ICU na noon ang kanyang ama dahil sa stroke. Naron din ang
    ilan sa kanyang malalapit na kamag-anak.

    Nag-usap sila. Intsik ang kanilang usapan.... hindi ko maintindihan.

    Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong usap-usap, nagkayayaan nang umuwi. Maiwan daw
    muna ako at pakibantayan ang kanyang ama habang inihahatid nya ang kanyang
    mga kamag-anak palabas ng ospital. Lumipat ako sa gawing kaliwa ng kama ng
    kanyang ama para ilapag ang mga iniwan nilang mga gamit na kakailanganin ng
    magbabantay sa ospital. Nang akmang ilalapag ko na ay biglang nangisay ang
    matanda.

    Hinahabol nya ang kanyang hininga... Kinuyom nya ang kanyang palad at
    paulit-ulit siyang nagsalita ng wikang intsik na hindi ko maintindihan.
    "Di ta guae yong khee"..... "Di ta guae yong khee"... "Di ta guae yong
    khee".. paulit-ulit nya itong binigkas bago siya malagutan ng hininga.

    Pagbalik ni Gilbert ay patay na ang kanyang ama. Ikinagulat nya ang
    pangyayari ngunit marahil ay tanggap na rin nya na papanaw na ang kanyang
    ama. Walang tinig na namutawi sa kanyang bibig. Ngunit iyon na yata ang
    pinakamasidhing pagluha na nasaksihan ko.

    Nagpa-alam muna ako, dahil siguradong magdadatingin uli ang kanyang mga
    kamag-anak.

    Sumakay ako ng taksi pauwi. Habang nasa taksi.. tinawagan ko ang iba pa
    naming kabarkada. Una kong tinawagan si Noel Chua. Dahil marunong si Noel
    mag-intsik, tinanong ko muna kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "Di ta guae yong
    khee".

    "Huwag mong apakan ang oxygen. "... "Bakit saan mo ba narinig 'yan?".


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    nepotism
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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by nepotism on March 13th 2009, 3:14 pm

    natawa aq dun dashie... lol!

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by julipych on March 13th 2009, 3:59 pm

    OMG!! haha...
    super laugh ako dun ah,... lol! lol! lol!

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by D@shie on March 13th 2009, 4:06 pm

    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everone else in the room stops to listen.


    Man: "Hello?"
    Woman: "Honey, it's me . Are you at the club?"
    Man: "Yes!"
    Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
    Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
    Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the next 2010 models. I saw one I really liked."
    Man: "How much?"
    Woman: "$60,000"
    Man: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
    Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
    Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,00."
    Woman: "OK, I'll see you later! I love you!"
    Man: "Bye, I love you too."

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him with astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"


    _________________
    If only I have five lives!
    Then I could be from five different towns,
    and stuff myself full of five different types of food
    and have five different jobs...


    And I could...


    Fall inlove with the same person five times!


    - Orihime Inoue




    julipych
    Pchy's Lover
    Pchy's Lover

    Number of posts : 2419
    Age : 26
    Location : quezon city
    Registration date : 2009-03-08

    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by julipych on March 13th 2009, 4:21 pm

    hahaha....
    my goddness!! love it!
    lol! lol!

    tawa lang ako ng tawa!

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    Re: Joke Time!

    Post by Sponsored content Today at 7:34 pm


      Current date/time is December 3rd 2016, 7:34 pm