Chapte 8 - 9. Done
Tong didn't expect to see now Mew is happy with someone but him. He still can't believe to hear Mew said those words. He never has that image in his mind that Mew could belonging to somebody else, but now Tong has to see much to his bitterness, how he has lost Mew as Mew now become Aex's own.¬†Tong has fought so long for his love for Mew to be accepted by his mom, until her yes become a genuine yes, but now Mew let him deserted.
Every day he lock himself in his room, taking pity on him, his thought wandering far where the things were a lot simpler, as boys where they used to be together, where he used to protect young Mew, where he got a shoulder to cry on, now the picture is vanished.¬†
His heart gain more an more pain, much to be added that he now feels being left alone. He doesn't shed tears, for he had wandered too far in the boulevard of the broken dreams, as much as he gets lost there, he trap himself in a world where he at one side tries hard to keep his heart and hope alive, but at other end kills it for he feels he has nothing more to lose since he had lost Mew to someone else.¬†
Slowly Tong goes the wrong way, trying anything just to hide his wounded heart. He pass his way with old friends from his schoolyear, hanging around killing time, beginning drinking, smoke, then... The drugs.
Only drugs keeps his inner pain away, where he can touch nirvana, halucinating to have Mew as his own, the other Mew, which he perceive it as real. Althogh his soujurn with the drugs has not taken long time yet, but his halucination has started long time ago, where Mew finally text him: "please let me alone, I have someone now. Hope you understand". That fatefull text seeps through Tong's soul, creating a deep void in his heart, quickly and desparately he tries to fills that void with anything available at his reach. To his unfortune, it is drugs, introduced by his friends, who quickly fills his heart, creating a new platform to correct all his wrong, and begin everything new. This beautiful fatamorgana, become Tong's only refuge from the harsh real world.¬†
The first time he feels like seeing nirvana, for a brief time he forget his broken heart. He only sees bright light and feels he was free from his sorrow. He is searching here and there, but there is Only white fast land and he's floating over it.¬†
The next time he goes fly, he is determind to find Mew, instead of seing Mew, he find Mew as a young boy, sitting at the river bank. As he tries to talk to him, young Mew suddenly smiled and run away from him, cheerfully laughing
By the next time he began to use the drugs to picturing what he reaaly needs, Mew. In his daydream, nurtured by the drugs, he then find Mew, completely available for him alone and not for others. There then in his nirvana, he dates with him, in a world totally for his own, he has Mew for him only, undisturbed by Aex, nor by anything that would cloud their relationship. Everytime he flies, he is hallucinating Mew lays beside him, hug him, need him, he binds Mew to him, love him, be close to him and more, he is united with Mew. Tong gets more drifted apart from the reality, with the help from drugs he fulfills his dream, not realizing what is taken away from him slowly.¬†The drugs only amplifies his daydream and to get away from those drugs means to lose his "own" Mew. For now he become obsessed with the drugs, his only gate to date with "his" Mew.¬†
"TONG.....what happen with you ???"
His dad found him lying unconscious, even shaking his body didn't make him comes back.¬†
His dad see the things around Tong, and step back as he see some needles lying on the floor. He call for mom and as fast as possible they bring it to nearby hospital.¬†
Few days later they got the dark truth, Tong's blood contains dosis of prohibited drugs. The doctor then arrange the transfer to rehab centre which is arranged within weeks to come. Good for them Tong just escape the justice process, also with the help of the doctor's prescription the transfer get done smoothly.
"Tong, please understand our decision to put you here, we're not punishing you, we want you to get better, we want you to have a good life, good future..."
Sunee tries to persuade Tong since he show his resistence, tries to go home.
Tong keeps himself absent minded, with a hollow look in his eyes he and his mind is wandering somewhere, where he suggest himself together with Mew.
"Tong.... Tong... Are you listening...?"
Sunee become desperade. Tong slowly look up into Sunee's eye. She looks into his son's eye, a vacant look from Tong starrig at her.
"good life for who..?"
Sunee lost her words. After a while, Sunee doesn't get any reply from Tong, she decide to leave him in the rehab. She walks away with the doctor accompany her.
"Doctor, concellour, please help my Tong. He's my only child now. I don't want to lose him."
"Don't worry Mrs. Sunee and Mr. Korn, we'll help him as good as we can"¬†
Answer the councellor.
Tong was escorted to his room, and after the nurses left him alone, he become excrutiatingly alone. For weeks to come his loneliness cause him to lock himself tightly, and his alienation towards the concellour makes him even more locked up. He is waving around between the need to speak with someone to unload all his burden and to share his inner pains and wounds and his reluctance towards foreign people who tries to acces his privacy. It would take him long journey of pain and sorrow to enable him finally to open up and to cry for help.
The first days is very painfull for Tong to get rid of those needles, each time his body shows bad reaction upon the absence of those substances, even as he then scream, calling out Mew, many times when his body trembles so badly demand the stuff.¬†
The councellor help him to get to the matter, while the first weeks Tong doesn't show much cooperation clouded by his halutination and his lost of "his" Mew.
While being alone in his room, Tong often pictures Mew and a strong self suggestion that Mew is punishing him, leave hin, let him down as a revenge, while he is picturing a different Mew somewhere out there inside his mind, ... His nirvana...
Tong by now has been taken away from drugs, the rehabs process has progressed. But what he fears now become true, for the more he take his sense to the real world, the more he feels the loss. Now, every day he become more conscious about Mew belongs to someone else. Many moments Tong become force to tears, sometimes in the midst of sobbing, he cries out Mew's name, hoping Mew would coming and get him out if these misery.
The detoxification process is not that difficult, for his body hasn't been exposed too long to the drugs, but his psycological realm suffers more bad damage. Beginning with his burden to be the pillars of his family which caused him to have lost Mew, Mew become Aex partner, Mew's rejection. All these stirs his mind.¬†
He shows his introverted character with the councellor at first, much to his irritation to open up his pain to someone he just meet. Many session with the concellour end up without anything usable.¬†
"Mrs. Sunee, I have tried to talk with him, but he seems to lock up so tight. The result of detox proces is quite promising, for he seems to be exposed for not too long. But the cause for him to take on the drugs has prooven to be a difficult task for me to uncrack. I can only guess, his problem might have started long before his drugs issues."
Sunee is listening concernly, then she starts to reply
"Actually, years ago, I discovered him with his friend... together and I didn't approve it"
The councellor is now getting a bit light to the matter
"He was close, at least what I saw that day, to have a love... with another guy... so I talked to his friend... and so it began..."
"Mrs. Sunee, how Tong react at your precaution?"
"For a while he lost himself with his friends, but eventually he showed me that his feeling towards his friend is quite genuine. I tried to show my acceptance...but after that his dad is slowly recovering from his alcohol addiction, and still not ready to leads the family. I'm fine with it, but Tong then shows his strange attitude after christmas three years ago"
Sunee go forth with the story.
Sunee then talks about the lost of the older sister, father getting depressed and went alcoholic... She tries to give clues to the doctor for the hope, the concellour will be able to approach Tong.
But for now, his family support doesn't prove to be much of help as the concellor suggested at the beginning. Tong feels his dad has more favor to his missing sister, while seems to have neglected Tong's presence though these years, worse,¬†to hear Tong say those words is too much for the recovering father. Sunee tries to gether senses through Tong's suffer, only after many session with concellour she then knows what really happens.
One event Sunee then for real see that Tong's love for Mew once she prohibited, is the only thing Tong needs, and that needs has carried him far away beyond her reach. She and Korn arrived one morning to visit Tong, thinks wants to give some food, snaks, vitamin, etc to show her care.
"Mr. Korn, Mrs. Sunee, terribly sorry.... I'm not prohibiting you from seeing Tong... It's just...."
Sunee and Korn become agitated
"What happen to my son?"
The doctor seems to have lost the words
"Tong is not in optimum condition right now..."
"What happen doctor? What happen?"
Sunee is close to tears.
"Tong is in detox process, and it is natural that his psychological realm gets shifted, for..."
"Please tell me .... What is happening?"
After so much pressure, the doctor finally give in
"Tong is losing his world because there is no more drugs, and right now he is not able to discern between his sense of reality and his dream. If you see him now, I'm deeply concern of your reaction. We do not show this state publically"
"I'm his mother, let me see him"
"If you insist, but please be strong for whatever you may see"
It's the doctor's turn to get tensed.
"Follow me then"
They follow the doctor through several lane, and from the distance they can hear faint scream from one of the room. As they walk they hear the scream become more louder and clearer. Sunee can barely hold her tears and her body trembles....
"Meeeewwwww..... Don't leave meeeee.... I need youuuu.... Meeeewwww....." ( Tong screams and sobbing)
"Please calm down Tong, you will soon see him..."
"Noooo... Don't take away my Mew from meeeee... You cruel people.... Have mercy on meeee... Meeeeeewwwww Meeeewwww, where are yooouuuu? Don't leave me pleeeaasssseeee.....aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! (loud sobbing and his scream are heard one after another, clearly audible for the three of them, eventually his cry becone fainter and more quiet)
It is too much for Sunee to bear, she breaks down on the¬†floor
"Tong... Please forgive me... Please forgive me..."¬†
Sunee cry so loud, makes her words sounds terribly bitter for Korn to hear. Korn can't help himself but weeping together with Sunee.¬†Korn for the first time get the sense of what he's been missing. Now, with his attemps to quit alcohol halfway to succes, he is now more determind to be a real father. It hurts him to see his family breaks down this way.
It takes times for Tong to get his senses of what is happening to him, and more time to be comfortable with the concellor, especially he who tries to get his privacy exposed. First sessions are very unbearable, thinking a stranger want to know his life.¬†After holding his excrutiating psychological pain and so long he kept his love for Mew all alone, he then finally take it all out, since he has become closer to the concellour. Now the concellour is able to get a full picture of Tongs psychological journey.
At the session with the parents, Sunee and Korn are exposed with the whole truth, Sunee, who has known this issue before is not taken by surprise, but for Korn, it's a painfull wake up call, of what he has been missing through all these years. Korn himself has tried hard to be cured from his alcohol addiction, is more and more in charge at home, slowly taken back his role as father and chief commander of his family. His own life's lesson, much to Tong's fortune, has enabled him to accept Tong's sexual orientation. But for Sunee, the next step is not yet certain, what to do. The concellour has hinted her to Mew, Tong's greatest love, and she become chilled with the thought of what she needs to do.