Just add jokes here..I'll start

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Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental… kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili…
Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo??
Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa matatanggap eh!!!

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Boy and girl texting:

Boy: Girl tayong dalawa na ba?
Girl: Hindi Betty La Fea pa lng..

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Girl: mag 69 tayo dear
Boy: Paano yun?
(pumuwesto na sila at napautot bigla si girl ng 4 na beses)
Boy: Ayoko na!!! hindi ko na kaya yung natitira pang 65!!!!

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Census: Mrs. Ilan ba ang anak nyo??
Mrs: 14 po!!!
Census: ang dami naman.. hindi ba kayo gumagamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal, o rhythm??
Misis: hindi po.. lang talga!!!

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Dalagita: Mom, totoo ba na kung saan pinasok ang ari ng lalaki dun din lumalabas ang baby??
Mom: oo anak..totoo un!!!
Dalagita: Di kaya masira ang tonsil ko paglabas ng baby ko??

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Mr: pag namatay ka.. isusulat ko sa nitso mo.. “ Malamig noong buhay… mas malamig noong namatay!!”
Mrs: Ah ganon ba??? Sa nitso mo naman ilalagay ko.. “ Sa wakas tumigas din!!!”

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Anak: Tays! Kains na tayos!!!
Ama: !!! Tigilan mo ang kakalagay ng “s” sa salita mo!!! Ano ba ulam?
Anak: inigang na bangu na may ibuya at kamati… hmmmm… arap ng abaw!!!

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a husband came home 4am and saw his wife in bed with another man.
his wife shouted at him: "where have you been?"
Husband: "Who's that man?"
Wife: "Ay grabe ka! don't change the topic!"

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Guro: ano ang dapat gawin kapag lumindol??
Pepito: buksan po ang ilaw!!!
Guro: Bakit?
Pepito: kasi po sa kubo naming madalas lumindol pag gabi… pero pagnagswitch ako ng ilaw biglang natigil…

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Patient: Doc may problema ako… tuwing alas otso ng umaga.. tumatae ako…
Doctor: so anong problema doon???
Patient: Alas nuwebe ako gumising eh…

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A Colegiala was interviewed. ..
Question: whats the difference between a and a Kamote?
Colegiala: yak naman!!! as in hellooo?? I dont eat kamote noh.. how can i compare?!

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In an anatomy exam, the teacher asks the class to draw a female reproductive organ… one girl feels shy and looks down.
Then a boy shouts…. “sir oh… may kodigo!!!”

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Wife puts Viagra on Husband's coffee to add sex drive… after drinking, husband grabbed and ;)ed her on the table.. Wife shouts and cried.

"You bastard..Wag dito sa Jolibee!!!"

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A mental patient singing while lying in a hospital bed… after a song dumapa siya…

The nurse asked, “O bakit ka bumaliktad??
He answered.Adik ka ba??Side B na kaya...

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Lalake: Miss pwede magpakilala?Anong pangalan mo?
Babae: CarMen. Kc mahilig ako sa Car at sa Men. Eh ikaw???
Lalake: PePe...

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Lola: Ineng, may manliligaw ka na ba?
Apo : Marami na po sila Lola.
Lola: May napipisil ka na ba sa kanila???
Apo : **T* pa lang po nila lola….

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Boy: mama ihi ako
Mom: tulungan na kita hahawakan ko
Boy: Ayoko!!! Si lola na lang!!!
Mom: Ha? Bakit?
Boy: Kasi nanginginignginig kamay ni lola..Tsalap!!!

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Question: Ano different ng pag-kiss sa maganda at pangit na girls???
Answer: Ang maganda, Torid kiss sa lips sabay lamas sa boobs…
Ang sa panget, torid kiss sa boobs sabay lamas sa mukha….

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sorry peech and Starbooze if I break some rules..

Just feel free to delete some green parts

HAHAHAHAHHA!!! dati ko pa rin naisip mag lagay ng gantong thread kaso nga lang wala akong mailagay!!



winner yung patient na may side B!!!!

Ako I love the colegiala and the kamote

di ko nga gets yung kamote eh! soweee naman!

King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night , in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?








Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


Now....what is the moral to this story?


The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

peech wrote:di ko nga gets yung kamote eh! soweee naman!

d kasi pedeng deretsahan pero it goes something like this..

The difference between a ****(you know what I mean) and a kamote!!

duplex wrote:King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night , in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?








Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


Now....what is the moral to this story?


The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

I totally agree!

@dashie: omg...that was so funny. of course, I won't mind being poor and live with three hot guys

duplex wrote:@dashie: omg...that was so funny. of course, I won't mind being poor and live with three hot guys

Well practically wise, I would rather have one hottie for a husband then... money... money.... money...

nepotism wrote:Boy and girl texting:

Boy: Girl tayong dalawa na ba?
Girl: Hindi Betty La Fea pa lng..

FTW!