Joke Time!

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EmpressXenix

EmpressXenix: Pchynatic; Number of posts: 290
Age: 17
Location: Filipinas
Registration date: 2009-09-05

Post n°226

Re: Joke Time!

Post by EmpressXenix on October 24th 2009, 1:23 pm

D@shie wrote:

One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to enter.
St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun, "Do you know who the first man was on earth?"
She said, "Ummm that's tough... Adam?"
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, "Do you know who the first woman was on earth?"
She said, "Ummmm... Eve?"
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The third nun said, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one."
Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked right in.

what in the world! hahaha... iwuvdis!

zydrelle

zydrelle: Pchyholic; Number of posts: 766
Age: 18
Location: quezon city, Philippines
Registration date: 2009-09-28

Post n°227

Re: Joke Time!

Post by zydrelle on October 26th 2009, 6:06 pm

D@shie

D@shie: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6380
Age: 23
Location: Δωδεκάθεον
Registration date: 2009-01-01

Post n°228

Re: Joke Time!

Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:15 pm

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the heck are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."

_________________

If only I have five lives!
Then I could be from five different towns,
and stuff myself full of five different types of food
and have five different jobs...

And I could...

Fall inlove with the same person five times!

- Orihime Inoue

D@shie

D@shie: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6380
Age: 23
Location: Δωδεκάθεον
Registration date: 2009-01-01

Post n°229

Re: Joke Time!

Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:18 pm

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

_________________

D@shie

D@shie: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6380
Age: 23
Location: Δωδεκάθεον
Registration date: 2009-01-01

Post n°230

Re: Joke Time!

Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:21 pm

Several women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
She says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"
They were shocked and asked why.
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"

_________________

D@shie

D@shie: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6380
Age: 23
Location: Δωδεκάθεον
Registration date: 2009-01-01

Post n°231

Re: Joke Time!

Post by D@shie on November 2nd 2009, 12:24 pm

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
"How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.
As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"

_________________

chanrakter

chanrakter: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6628
Age: 21
Location: Bangkok (I wish!)
Registration date: 2009-03-23

Post n°232

Re: Joke Time!

Post by chanrakter on November 2nd 2009, 12:31 pm

D@shie wrote:
Several women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
She says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"
They were shocked and asked why.
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"

ROTFLOL!

_________________
หัวใจที่ไม่เคยเรียนรู้ที่จะรักนั้นอ่อนแอ

A heart that has never learnt to love is weak
--- Kop Koon Gan Lae Gan by Witwisit Hiranyawongkul

krispen

krispen: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 5842
Location: Philippines
Registration date: 2009-01-02

Post n°233

Re: Joke Time!

Post by krispen on November 2nd 2009, 7:44 pm

^samantha, statue? haha

EmpressXenix

EmpressXenix: Pchynatic; Number of posts: 290
Age: 17
Location: Filipinas
Registration date: 2009-09-05

Post n°234

Re: Joke Time!

Post by EmpressXenix on November 4th 2009, 12:55 pm

D@shie wrote:
An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
"How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.
As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! this is so disgusting! hahaha... reminds me of a joke i once read in FHM

D@shie

D@shie: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 6380
Age: 23
Location: Δωδεκάθεον
Registration date: 2009-01-01

Post n°235

Re: Joke Time!

Post by D@shie on November 5th 2009, 5:52 am

krispen wrote: ^samantha, statue?

I didn't get this the first time... I was thinking... Samantha of "Samantha, who"...

then I realized...

Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte... Go Girls!

_________________

krispen

krispen: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 5842
Location: Philippines
Registration date: 2009-01-02

Post n°236

Re: Joke Time!

Post by krispen on November 5th 2009, 8:48 pm

the first woman who on the moon hehe

krispen

krispen: Honorary Pchynatic; Number of posts: 5842
Location: Philippines
Registration date: 2009-01-02

Post n°237

Re: Joke Time!

Post by krispen on November 5th 2009, 8:51 pm

mga gasgas jokes...(sorry to our foreign friends for this are mostly in filipino cute

)

these never fail to make me laugh

IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako
naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that
enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects.
It is called a magnifiying glass.

VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko,
"nagbavibrate."
Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
Mrs: ****! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!

REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

KRIMINAL:
KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yun papatayin
natin?"
KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala
parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...

SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang
dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero
kayo lang nakabali!

CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy,
anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba , oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa
ang animal!

SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ak binubugbog bago
niroromansa. ..
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday
ang niroromansa.

PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush
ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas
magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!

AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag
na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

PROMOTION:
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko
ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo
ma-promote.

AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon
ka!

ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan
ang sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatanggap eh.

DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba , syempre ah Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan m o rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong
makipag-sex sa 'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang
kanilang ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!

RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong
nangreype sa 'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang- asar ka pa!!!!

julipych

julipych: Pchy's Lover; Number of posts: 2456
Age: 19
Location: quezon city
Registration date: 2009-03-08

Post n°238

Re: Joke Time!

Post by julipych on November 5th 2009, 9:33 pm

Gasgas na nga! Pero super funny pa rin! haha

The best yung REGALO..swear! Haha!

_________________

"your eyes are alluring
your face is always glowing
your voice is my melody
you smile stays in my memory"

Thanks a million to Clive for this lovely siggy!

Jaisus